Most Popular Dirty-Minded Posts for 2009

2009 has come and gone just as all the years before it and at various times throughout 2009 everyone laughed, cried, held their breath at times, panicked a bit, flew off the handle a few dozen times, and maybe some of you lucky bastards even got laid a few times. In honor of last year’s timely demise, Blakk Frogg will now reveal the most popular Blakk Frogg Joke Blog Postings for the Filthy-Minded Masses. Enjoy!

• Potato Prostitute?
• Sarcastic Motivational Posters
• Dirty-Minded MySpace Comment Pictures
• Seven Types of Sex
• Cheerleader Spin the Bottle
• Carolina Panthers Cheerleader Booty
• Dear Abby Bass Fishing Letter
• Humor for Mature Minded Individuals
• Funny Jokes for Adults
• Love the Harley Davidson

Well we hope you enjoyed 2009’s most popular perversions and will continue to tune into Da’ Blakk Frogg Joke Blog in 2010… ‘cuz we promise to keep posting stuff you will most likely deny ever reading!

Oh, and before we go, you really should Click Here to See Me Naked. Ha ha…

Needs to Bury Her Husband

A woman and her grouchy old husband went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the husband passed away.

The undertaker told the wife, “You can have him shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for $150.”

The woman thought about it and told him she would just have him shipped home.

The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your husband home, when it would be wonderful for him to be buried here, and you would spend only $150?”

The woman replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead…. I just can’t take that chance.”

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Virgin Wife on Eleventh Husband?

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin”.

“What?” Said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it’s going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!

“Good,” said the husband, “but, why?”

“You work for the I.R.S…… This time I KNOW I’m gonna get screwed!” she screamed.

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How Many People Have You Slept With?

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “how many women have you slept with?”

“Baby,” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit”.

Kim promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

“Okay,” he said, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you – nine, ten, 11, 12, 13..”

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Wife Decides to Become a Hooker

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.

‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!

‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife.

The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on just $800 a year!’

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Biker Needs to Pick Up Tampons

A biker walks into a convenience at about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks “Where are your tampons?”

The clerk tells him, “Right down on aisle three, on the end to the left.”

The biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 minutes later, he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls.

The cashier starts to ring him up and says, “You know, I know it’s none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons.”

The biker tells her, “Well, last week I sent my ol’ lady out for smokes and she comes back with zig zags and tobacco. By God she can roll her own, too!”

Guess What Happened Next?

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Pope Benedict Wants to Drive

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Holiness,” says the driver,” Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a Cardinal, and I’d really like to drive Today.”

“I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

“Who’s going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 Mph. (Remember, he’s German.)

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. “Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license — and my job!” moans the Driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

“I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo Going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really big,” said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, “All the more reason!”

“No, I mean really important,” said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, “Who ya got there, the Mayor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The Governor?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

Chief: “The President?”

Cop: “Bigger.”

“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”

Cop: “I think it’s God!”

The Chief is stumped, “You been drinking, John?”

Cop: “No Sir.”

Chief: “Then what makes you think it’s God?”

Cop: “He’s got the Pope as a chauffeur….”

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Great New Weight Loss Plan

A friend of ours, a nurse at the local hospital, mentioned her disgust with all the failures she’s seen with people trying the Atkins Diet, Jenny Craig Plan, Weight Watchers Program and last but not least (expensive!), the South Beach Diet.

The horror stories and heartbreaks she has seen over the years caused her to research dieting (properly) and after about two months of diligent study, she ran across an Ancient diet plan that NEVER fails.

She translated the name for us as follows: “Dawn-Key” Diet. She also said anyone, no matter what age, race, or body type can do it….

Ready for it?

Are ya’ sure you’re ready for it?

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Truck Driver Orders Breakfast

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his Order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of Headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear Stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,

“This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a Pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What Does he think this place is — an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three Pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side Up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”

“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a Moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it To the customer.

The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the Flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

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Old Lady Wants to Join a Biker Gang

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club.

One day she goes up and knocks on the club’s door. A big, hairy, bearded biker guy with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.

She proclaims, “I want to join your club.”

The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, “Do you have a motorcycle?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep… my bike’s parked over there”, and points to a Harley in the driveway.

The biker asks, “Do you drink?”

The little old lady replies “Yep… drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”

The biker asks, “Do you smoke?”

The little old lady replies, “Yep… smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs a day and a couple of cigars in the evening when I’m shooting pool.”

The biker is very impressed and asks, “Last Question. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”

The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, “Nope… but I was swung around by the nipples once.”

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