Truck Driver Orders Breakfast

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his Order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of Headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear Stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook,

“This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a Pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What Does he think this place is — an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three Pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side Up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.”

“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a Moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it To the customer.

The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?”

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the Flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!

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Act Crazy, Get Out of Work

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was “CRAZY” and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, “What are you doing?”

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, “You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days”.

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her “…And where do you think you’re going?”

She said, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark!”

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Blonde Goes Horseback Riding

Blakk Frogg says, “Height should not be the only requirement for some things in life.”

= = = = = = = = =

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank God for heros.

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Blonde and the Body Builder

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, “What a great chest you have.”

He tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, “What massive calves you have.”

The body builder tells her, “That’s 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby.”

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, “I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was”

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Blonde Woman’s Trip to Texas

Prior to her trip to Texas, Brittany (a Blonde New Yorker), confided to her co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State:

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.

2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo.

And…

3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

“Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite , it’s ooooh so good. The taste is unbelievable!”

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“And I went to a real rodeo.Talk about athletes…those guys wrestle full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop,then jump off the horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It is just incredible!”

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They then asked, “Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?”

“Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!”

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Blonde’s Snowy Car Ride

It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

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She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation.

She finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in a snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.

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After an hour had passed, she was somewhat surprised when the snowplow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.

She said that she was fine and told him of her daddy’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.

The driver replied that it was ok with him and she could continue if she wanted, but he was done with the Wal-Mart parking lot and was going over to Sears next.

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Year in Life of a Blonde

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March

Got really excited….. finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…. box said “2-4 years!”

April

Trapped on an escalator for hours….. power went out!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid….. wrong instructions…. 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!

June

Tried to go water skiing….. couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition….. learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August

Got locked out of my car in rainstorm….. car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is “C”….. isn’t it?

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days….. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!

December

Couldn’t call 911….. “duh”….. there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!

What a year!

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Blonde Moves Car for Snowplow

Bob and his lovely blonde wife live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.” Bob’s wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says “We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park………..” then the electric power goes out. Bob’s wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, “Honey, I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?”

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, “Honey why don’t you just leave it in the garage this time?”

Bubba, Junior, a Blonde and a Flagpole

Every once in a great while someone posts a joke about blondes that does NOT put them down. Blakk Frogg now offers you one such joke:

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bubba, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement & announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. “Ain’t that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!”

P.S. Bubba and Junior are currently supervising the reconstruction of New Orleans.

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Blonde Wants a Milk Bath

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk, did you mean 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it Pasteurized?”

The blonde replied, “No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes.”

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