1. We know what you’re doing when you put your hand in your pocket.
2. If you’re funny, we will sleep with you.
3. If, while driving, you check yourself out in the rearview more that you check us out, we will never get into another car with you.
4. When you see a woman chewing gum, she is counting. Next time you see a woman chewing gum, ask her what number she’s up to.
5. It’s sexy when you cook for us. Unless you’re wearing an apron, then it’s just weird.
6. It’s the circumference stupid! The numerical measurement of the bra has nothing to do with the size of our boobs.
7. Never take credit for something we did. Unless that something is farting, we’ll never raise our hands on that one.
8. The fact that you hesitate before using our razor because it’s pink and might make you look gay is equal parts cute and pathetic.
9. It’s not our period that’s making us moody, it’s you.
10. If you ask a woman to spend the night and she says no, accept it. Don’t try to convince her by offering her breakfast. Any woman that is swayed by the prospect of an omlette probably isn’t a keeper.
11. We order our salad dressing on the side because we are control freaks. We can’t control you, so we control lettuce.
12. We do not like it when you pound on the bathroom door and say “is everything ok in there?” Trust us, you do not want to know what’s going on in there.
13. PMS is real. It’s chemical and it sucks. If someone told you that you would be repeatedly kicked in the balls every thirty days, you’d probably get moody around day twenty-six too.
14. Women have a sixth sense, like Santa Claus, we know if you’ve been bad or good. So you know what to do….. for goodness sake.
15. Fast dancing with you is like watching a stray dog trot down the interstate. We pray for a miracle but know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a horrific tragedy is about to occur. That is why we prefer fast dancing with our girlfriends. It has nothing to do with secret lesbian desires.
